We Love and Miss You, Poppie

Hi little one,
I would like to use this entry to tell you about your great-grandpa, Stan.

Poppie never went anywhere without a coupon. He was infamous for bringing plastic baggies to a casino buffet and filling them with food when he thought no one looking. He was the first one to pull Pita's tail when he walked by, but the only one Pita would cuddle with. Poppie would go to Royals games and try to scam you out of money by trying to distract you while you played quarters. He'd also wear salted peanuts as earrings at the games, despite getting funny looks from other Royals fans ("What is this guy doing??"). He invented the phrase "smell the cake", and wouldn't hesitate to smash your face in it if you were dumb enough to fall for it.

He was also someone who put his family first, above anything and everyone else.  He said a blessing every year on Christmas Eve, and he meant every word. He believed in forgiveness. He helped however he could, even if helping meant just listening. He told you what you needed to hear, not what you wanted to hear. He was sincere. More than anything else, he wanted the best for all of his kids, grand kids, and great-grandchildren, and for us all to get along and love each other as a family.

He was a good man, and I can't wait to tell you stories about him as you grow older. One of his last wishes before he passed on was to meet you. He loved it when we took off your socks so he could touch your tiny little feet! Pemberley, he loved that so much. After he was admitted to the hospital, that was one of the only times I saw him smile.

The world lost a husband, father, grandfather, great-grandfather, soldier, baseball fan, and amazing man. His memory will live on in our hearts forever.

Month One Favorites

Hi little one,
Your daddy and I are still finding it hard to believe that you're already over a month old. We talk about when I was pregnant with you (mostly referencing how big my ankles were, or my weird ice craving that I don't have anymore - thank GOD), and it seems like it was just yesterday that I was working on the weekly chalkboards to show off how big the baby bump was getting. But here you are! We love every minute of every day with you. We also love ridiculously big hair accessories, as you can see from your one month picture below.

So at one month old, you...

-make noises like your daddy (translate: fart very loudly, and without shame)

-wear size 1 diapers and 0-3 month clothes

-hate cold wipes when I change your diapers

-love going anywhere in the car, although you hate it when we buckle you into your car seat

-have to be swaddled at night in order to sleep

-also have to listen to the white noise machine (you like the rain noise the best)

-love looking at ceiling fans and lights

-sleep for four-five hour stretches

-eat for about 3 hours a day, on average

-move every facial muscle you have after you eat and before you fall asleep

-will randomly make a face like you're getting ready to scream bloody murder, then you'll take a deep breath and be totally fine

And here are some of the things that we couldn't live without during your first month here.

Kolcraft Bassinet - Bright Starts Rock N Play

SwaddleMe Sleep Sacks - Dr. Brown's Bottles

Gilligan O'Malley Nursing Bra - Elephant Wubbanub

myBaby Soundspa Lullaby Sound Machine - Boppy Pillow

Okay, sweet little girl. The Chiefs are on and we're going to root for them to win! Daddy is already camped out in front of the television watching the game with you, and I can hear you cheering for Jamaal Charles all the way upstairs! (Or maybe you need a diaper change. I'll go find out.)

I love you, little one!

Pemberley - One month

Hi little one,
It's hard to believe that one month has passed already! I feel like we just brought you home from the hospital yesterday, and here we are. You're a month old today!

Snuggles with Stan:: Daddy and I have taken you to the hospital to see your great grandpa a few times. Words cannot tell you how utterly in love with you he is. Even when he was hooked up to the breathing machine, he had the biggest smile on his face when we walked in with you. Now that he's in hospice care and not on any life support, he finally got to hold you for the first time. My heart just melted when I took this picture. He wanted to hold you forever, and probably would have if the nurses didn't come in to give him pain medicine. He kissed you and held your hand and sang a very inappropriate song to you that I probably shouldn't publicize (the Lukowskis know what I'm talking about!). I know you won't remember this time with him,  but I hope you can look back on this picture some day and see all of the love he has for you.

Just Like Mommy:: Great-grannie Frannie framed these two pictures together to put them in Poppie's room and all of the nurses commented on what a cute baby it was...and then Frannie corrected them and said, "No, that's TWO babies! My granddaughter Jessica and her little girl Pemberley!" Everyone was floored when they saw just how much you take after your mommy!! (You're on the top and that's me on the bottom.)

Daddy's Little Girl:: But you are a daddy's girl at heart, I have to admit it. Here you are, cuddling with him while he takes a nap. It doesn't get any better for me when I look up and see this <3

Meanmugs:: I'm starting to worry that you prefer your daddy over me because for the last week or so, you "meanmug" me with faces like these. Daddy says I'm crazy, but he's the one who gets all of the smiles and cute cooing sounds, and I get the monster noises and glances that lead me to believe you're thinking you have the meanest mother on the planet :(

Growing Up:: You must be going through a huge growth spurt, because that schedule I thought we established last week? Haha!! You're up for hours in the middle of the night sometimes. Daddy sleeps right through it, but I need my beauty sleep and sometimes I get a little delirious. When I saw this book excerpt on Baby Bump App, I was like...BINGO! The author nailed it! Couldn't have said it any better myself. ((From Go the F**k to Sleep by Adam Masbach))

Back to Normal:: Mommy is finally back down to her prepregnancy weight! I feel like that's huge cause for celebration, considering I ballooned up to the approximate size of a whale. The combination of breastfeeding and no sleep is assuredly to thank for the weight falling off,  but it does throw off my eating schedule and I forget to eat more than I should. I occasionally see loving reminders from your daddy... :)

That's all for now, sweet little angel girl! One month. Wow. You are SO loved and we can't wait to see what you look like and what you're up to at two months!

Love, love, love,

Happy Halloween!

Hi little one,
Yesterday was your first holiday! Happy Halloween :) you did a great job of staying awake while we handed out candy to neighborhood trick or treaters. I must say, though, you were the cutest kid dressed up! Here you are, as Disco.

See what I mean? Adorable.

Checkups:: We had your latest checkup last Wednesday. Dr. Gaffney was VERY impressed with you! You are 9 pounds 6 ounces (75th percentile), and 21-1/2 inches long (89th percentile). For being just shy of three weeks old, you are growing super fast! Daddy says it's because you're an eater like your mama, but don't listen to him. (You definitely take after your daddy in that department!) We also got a lot of compliments on how adorable you are, and how much hair you have. The nurses love to tell you how beautiful your blonde hair is, and they're so surprised when they see how long it is! I tell them it's actually curly right after your bath, and they don't believe me until I show them this picture--

Damnit, Dolce:: While we were at your appointment we also got you a prescription for conjunctivitis, of which you have a mild case. After only a few days of medicine, it looks much better, I'm happy to report. We ended up having to get two prescriptions because I left Dolce out while we went to go see great-grandpa Stan and she ate the first one. Daddy was more than a little pissed to come home to the shitshow where he found your medicine AND a bottle eaten by the dog. Oops.

Our days:: Our days have finally fallen into somewhat of a pattern. That first week we were in a kind of sleeping/eating free-for-all, so this weekday schedule has made me one very happy mommy :)

2:30-3am -- you get up to eat, and you fuss to have your diaper changed also. You're back asleep pretty quickly.

6:00-6:30am--Daddy sometimes takes you downstairs and feeds you from a bottle so that I can get some more sleep (those are the best mornings!) before he goes to work. Falling asleep with a full belly is not a problem for you, at this point.

9:30-10am--then you're wide awake and you eat again. After that, you like to be swaddled and to sit on the Boppy pillow while I pump. We watch Friday Night Lights on Netflix and kick it in bed until about 11.

11:00-12:00ish-- We go downstairs, feed the dogs, and let them outside. I eat some oatmeal and yogurt and have a cup of coffee, and we call great-Grannie to see how Poppie is doing.

12:30-2:00pm-- You fall asleep again, and I use your naptime to shower and get some housework done. (Okay, *sometimes* I sit and read, but don't tell Daddy or he'll start making honey-do lists and I don't want that.)

2:00-2:45pm--After that nap, it's time for another feeding, and then we wait for Daddy to get home. Sometimes you fall asleep until the dogs wake you up, and sometimes you and I play Candy Crush or I read to you.

I was a little scared as to how we would fill our days, but I wouldn't change a thing :) I think you're pretty happy that we have a schedule, too, because this is how you look most of the time when you're not sleeping.

Poppie:: To all of our blog readers, please say a quick prayer for Pemberley's great-grandpa, Stan. We received news that his cancer is back, and things just aren't looking good for him. Pemberley, I did take you to meet him on Friday, and he woke up long enough to see you for the first time. He loves you SO much, and Frannie is always telling me how he asks for you. Please know he is the BEST great-grandpa in the world who wants nothing but the best for you as you continue to grow.

I think that's all for now, sweet little girl. I love you!

Your birth story

Hi little one,
YOU'RE HERE! This is you, at 11 days old. Daddy couldn't help but be in this chalkboard picture, announcing your long-awaited arrival :)

The details:: I had your 39 week chalkboard all ready to go, but you had other plans! On October 9th, at 4:45am, I got up to go to the bathroom. As soon as I got out of bed and started walking, I knew something was off. I felt a gush, and was 99% certain my water had just broken. I went to the bathroom, cleaned myself up, and went back to bed, convinced I had just peed myself (again). Thank goodness I had a towel next to the bed, because about 10 minutes later, as I was Googling "what does it feel like when your water breaks?", Daddy came in and saw that I was wide awake. I told him I thought my water had just broken, and he told me I was crazy because we were still 8 days away from our due date. As soon as he said that, it was like the floodgates opened. All over the towel AND the bed.

We already had everything all packed, and Daddy very calmly drove us to the hospital. I was checked in triage at 3.5 cm dilated, and they confirmed I was leaking amniotic fluid. You were on your way!

From there, I started having contractions. I cannot describe them to you in any other way, except that they really are like an "event". Everyone was right when they said that you know them when you feel them. (That's about the time I started begging for an epidural. Turns out your mommy is not as tough as she thought.)

I was fully dilated and ready to start pushing by 1:30pm. I will not lie and say that it was an easy labor. You were what they call "sunny side up" and you just refused to turn face down.  I pushed with every contraction until about 5:30pm, when the sassy Dr. Phaedra Lombard came in. She told me flat out that I needed to push harder, and longer, and that I was "going to have this baby whether I liked it or not." Her sassiness must have been exactly what I needed to hear, because she was calling in the delivery team before I knew it. It was 45 minutes of the most excruciating pain I've ever felt in my entire life. Your daddy did SUCH a good job holding my hand and coaching me through it.

We finally got to meet you at 6:14pm on October 9, 2014. You weighed 8 pounds and 10 ounces, and were 21-1/4 inches long. All of the nurses, and even the sassy Dr. Lombard, were shocked at how long you were, and how much beautiful, curly blonde hair you had! Daddy started crying and kissing you and soon as they put you on my chest.

It turns out that we both developed a low-grade fever during delivery, though. I also lost a lot of blood because of placenta detachment complications, and they took you to the NICU for a few hours while I got attended to by the nurses. I was wiped out, physically, mentally, and emotionally by that point, but knowing you were so far away in the NICU broke my heart.

We spent our first three days as a family in the hospital. During our stay, we discovered that my hemoglobin level was dangerously low so I received a blood transfusion to help me recover. That was also scary...thinking that I was not healthy enough to take care of you. We were discharged on October 12, and we've been getting to know each other as a family ever since.
Here you are, all stretched out for us, on your birthday...now no one can wonder why I complained about the near constant rib kicks during pregnancy!!

 This is the delicious complimentary birthday cupcake from Gigi's that we found waiting for us in our recovery room. Daddy insisted on inhaling it in about 2.5 seconds flat.

 Here you are, getting in some daddy-daughter bonding time on the couch. Daddy said I can't ever buy you pants with the words "juicy" or "pink" on the butt, but he didn't say anything about a flower!!!

 My little sleeping Angel...

 And you, with your ever-present goofy grin :) I could look at this picture all day, Pemberley!

 These are two proofs of photos that the hospital took. We are still trying to decide what package we want to buy, but I couldn't not put these on the blog to share with everyone. I love, love, love the one on the left of you and your daddy.

 And if you needed it...more proof that you are already a little daddy's girl!

I am so in love with you, baby girl. I stare at you all day and can't remember what my life was like without you in it. You made us a family, and we are so incredibly lucky to be your parents. I love you SO MUCH.

This is my last, favorite picture of you. Your beautiful eyes...your adorable chubby baby cheeks. I will forever remember you like this, little girl!

All of my love,
Mommy

October 02

Hi little one,

It is officially October! I can't believe it. I really can't. I've been pregnant with you all year and it's finally your birth month. Happy 38 weeks, Pemberley :)

Some TMI:: Mommy is progressing nicely, according to the doctors. Last week I was almost 2cm dilated and 50% effaced, and this week we are at 2.5cm and 70%. Everyone at work says you'll be early, but I think you'll be right on time, although you're more than welcome to come early. My ankles certainly wouldn't mind, since they're swollen to epic proportions...seriously, whose feet are these, even??!

Some BH:: These Braxton Hicks contractions are no joke. I mean...they hurt like a mother. I guess walking around my classroom, going to Target to get fall decorations, and then going to Michaels to poke around their fall sales is a little much, but it's seriously unnecessary to start wondering if I'm going to birth you in the parking lot because I'm in so much pain! Ugh. Why can't they just be the real thing so we can meet you already??

Panther Shower:: My coworkers are 100% amazing! They threw us the sweetest baby shower for you last Friday. The decorations, the company...I can't wait for you to meet all of these amazing people someday. I am truly blessed to work with such a supportive, creative, and caring group! Here are some pictures!

Elephants Everywhere:: The pictures are up, the curtains are ironed and hung. Your room is 99% complete. I'm going to get a small white nightstand to put next to the glider, but other than that, we're finally good to go! Your nursery is officially my favorite room in the house, and I can't wait for the day when you get to see it. Daddy and I put so much care into making it the perfect space, and I just know you're going to grow up to love it as much as I do. And I *really* hope you like elephants. Mommy went a little nuts.

I think that's all for now, Little Miss Girl. I love you so much and can't believe we are down to our final two weeks!
Love,