A year ago today, we found out that you were on your way! It really is crazy to think back and realize how much our lives have changed in just one year. We found out we were pregnant, your Daddy and I got married...you came along!
But I'm not going to lie to you; things weren't always so happy for us. We started trying to conceive in March of 2013. We met with my doctor and he said that it could take a year or more for me to conceive because of my stage 2 endometriosis and because I had been on Depo for a really, really long time. He also said that if we weren't pregnant by March of the following year, we could start to discuss fertility treatments.
I was *so sure* that we wouldnt have any problems, but after summer had come and gone, I started to worry. Was something wrong with me? I began to obsess about it, even though it hadn't even been a year. We met with a fertility doctor who began to run preliminary tests that checked my progesterone levels once a month...and then it happened. On December 20, 2013, two lines showed up on a pregnancy test. I went to the doctor and a blood test confirmed that I was pregnant. That night I made a nice dinner for your Daddy, wrapped up a digital test in a onesie, and set it by his dinner plate like a napkin. He was so confused when the test dropped on his lap, and when he figured out what it was, he knelt on the floor and started crying with me. We were going to have a baby!
We told your great-grandparents a few days later, and your Gigi and Papa G right after Christmas. Everyone was so happy for us, and we were over the moon. But a few days later, on New Year's Eve, I went to the hospital because I was bleeding and we were told that I had miscarried the baby. To say that we were devastated is an understatement. I didn't want to even breathe. I've never felt pain like that before.
The doctor gave us the green light to start trying again when we were ready, so we waited a few weeks and thought what the hell? If I could get pregnant once, maybe I could do it again. We got our next positive pregnancy test on January 30, 2014. Thirty days after the worst news of our lives, we got the best news!
In the world of mommies, there's a term for a child born after a loss:: rainbow baby. You're OUR rainbow baby, and you're a blessing in so many ways. Pemberley, I hope you know how special you are to us, and how utterly in love with you we are.
I went through the heartbreak of trying to conceive so I can fully understand what a miracle it is to finally find out you're pregnant. You do realize that every baby is a gift when it doesn't come easily...it gives you a deeper love for the baby, I think.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this - I'm so sorry to hear of your miscarriage, what a hard time for you both. But what a blessing Pemberley is! Lovely little cherub she is xxx
ReplyDeleteI suffered 3 miscarriages before my boys came along so I can really relate.
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